sometimes i just need everything to change.
and now for something completely different:
who the fuck would repaint the space needle?? ’galaxy gold’ is goddamn garish.
so seattle in april is a bust. I spent the cash on clothes and tattoos - typical. But they're still hope for May or June! I can't wait to see you, I think about it all the time.
those are both important things. you know i love you forever, no matter how much i see you. take care of yourself <3
Rape Culture Broken Down on My Facebook Wall
- Ariel: oh my god?? this is so perfect, it describes everything i feel about the whole "rape is the result of miscommunication" deal (her link: http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2010/03/24/why-rape-isnt-one-big-misunderstanding/)
- Lady B: It seems like the issue is that "rape" is, if not denotatively, connotatively a forced act. Perhaps if there were a different term ("nonconsensual sex?") it wouldn't have this hypocrisy in discussion about what means "no." Of course, consent, itself, is a really difficult issue, but it seems like the strength of the word rape so far separates the speaker from feeling that they could have committed the act that it does a disservice to promoting actual understanding and change.
- Ariel: i think on the contrary that terms like nonconsensual sex just serve to dullen the impact of what rape is, which is literally the same thing. a better solution in my mind wouldn't be coming up with more palatable terms but equating the terms that people feel are different or hold less impact when they're actually the same thing. like if more people realized that someone who didn't obtain consent for sex really committed rape in the precise definition of the term, they wouldn't be so eager to excuse or defend it.
- Ariel: although i think the real myth being addressed here isn't like "grey rape" or anything but the idea that it's really hard to understand when someone is nonconsenting. especially when it's due to some bs "men are from mars, women communicate more subtly" gender-based misconceptions
- me: I think it's important to add that 2/3rds of rape is perpetrated by significant others, friends, people the survivor knows. I feel like the vast canyon between 'socially acceptable' rape, where the survivor is a woman walking home targeted by a sociopath, and 'grey rape', where the woman is a sexual player of ANY kind, is a big reason why people (men, women, and trans* folk) don't report rape to cops or community. It invalidates the stories of most of the people affected, including MEN. the guys in the interview commented on how they felt dicked that there is no narrative for men to report rape, and then they turn around to reinforce the narrow acceptable story for a woman to be raped and get off scot free. And all of this gender-based men/mars women/venus bullshit leaves no room for non-binary identified people, who are also at a much higher risk of sexual violence than cis women. Perspective for that comment: One in four women will be raped in her lifetime. Some references that I'm basing this off of: http://thefbomb.org/2011/03/what-is-rape-culture/, http://stfurapeculture.tumblr.com/FAQ. Also, a MUST READ for people who want to understand rape culture how it affects us: (TRIGGER WARNING for survivors. this is hard to read if it has happened to you, but also very cathartic & validating. take care of yourself ♥) http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/how_you_guys_thats_right_you_guys_can_prevent_rape
- Me: ALSO! the miscommunication myth totally ignores this phenomenon:
- "Boys are told from a young age that whatever they do will be excused under the “boys will be boys” mantra, and that “boys will be boys” mentality leads to what I call the “boiling frog” problem of women’s sexual boundaries. I call it that because if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump right out, but if you put a frog into a pot of room-temperature water and slowly heat it to a boil, the frog will acclimate as it heats and never jump out, eventually boiling to death. Similarly, when we learn as young girls to tolerate “low-level” boundary violations like the ones we often are forced to suffer in silence at school, at home and on the street – bra-snapping, boob-grabbing, ass pinching, catcalling, dick flashing “all in good fun” relentless violations that adults and authorities routinely ignore – it makes it harder for us to notice when even greater boundaries are being violated, eventually leading to the reality that many women who are raped just freeze and fall silent, because that’s what they’ve been taught to do over and over since day one. You tell me what’s more infantilizing: repeatedly letting boys (and grown men) off the hook for their behavior because “boys will be boys” and we can’t ever expect any differently, or creating a consent standard in which all partners take active responsibility for their partner’s safety, and which acknowledges the truly diseased sexual culture we’re soaking in every day." source: http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/the-nonexistent-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-consequences-of-enthusiastic-consent/
- me: which feeds into rape culture because when women say NOTHING, they are saying YES, right??? http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b5PgijqjWhA/Tox2fGjWpsI/AAAAAAAABo0/_TzQHdfELgA/s1600/circular-reasoning1.jpg
- me: okay, i'm done.
“The question of what will happen to me when I die is indeed as misconceived as the question of what happens to my lap when I stand up or to my fist when I open my hand.” —Ramesh Balsekar (via sovietpropaganda)